When I woke up this morning, my husband was already gone. I did a few things around the house, and he returned around noon. His demeanour was decidedly angry and aggressive. He had been out looking at some open houses with a real estate agent, a friend he'd met at a men's group. This man is one of two members of that group who have been meeting with my husband on a regular basis - they actually left the therapy group because they felt it was a waste of time, and basically formed their own mini-support group (which should have been called "angry women-bashing men's group"). These two men fully convinced my husband that he was suffering from "Parent Alienation Syndrome" and that the kids were upset with him because I had systematically turned them against him. Pretty sure these two men had no idea of the kinds of things my husband had said and done to the kids that would have explained their discomfort and distance from him. In any case, the one fellow is a real estate agent and took him out today. They apparently ran into a colleague of mine, and my husband felt that she did not seem surprised to see him at an open house, meaning that I must have told everyone that we were separating even before I told him. I reminded him that people often go to open houses, not necessarily because they are interested in buying but want to know what's out there. Nope. It was because she knew our whole story.
He also told me that he had sent a blanket email out to all of our friends, simply saying "We are divorcing. Details to follow." I was aghast. My husband likes to be totally in control of every situation - this must be his way of gaining control over this one. He absolutely radiated with anger and what felt for all the world like hatred to me. He was very short with the kids (who have no idea this is all going on), and they found reasons to get out of the house for the day. I felt almost afraid to be in the house alone with him today, his anger was so palpable. I went out for the day, too, making sure the kids were not going to be home before me.
When I got home later this afternoon, he was gone and came home later tonight. He'd gone out for dinner with a friend. I can only imagine what he told him, and what this good friend now thinks of me. When I spoke to my therapist a few months ago, it became clear that it was fear that was stopping me from asking him to leave. This is what I was afraid of. His anger is so destructive, and I am so unsure how things will go from this point forward, but I do not think it will be good. Funny thing is that even with this fear, I have not had the thought that I should not be doing this (which is what has happened in the past). In fact, his behaviour is simply reinforcing for me that this is absolutely the right thing to do. But I am still afraid.
He also told me that he had sent a blanket email out to all of our friends, simply saying "We are divorcing. Details to follow." I was aghast. My husband likes to be totally in control of every situation - this must be his way of gaining control over this one. He absolutely radiated with anger and what felt for all the world like hatred to me. He was very short with the kids (who have no idea this is all going on), and they found reasons to get out of the house for the day. I felt almost afraid to be in the house alone with him today, his anger was so palpable. I went out for the day, too, making sure the kids were not going to be home before me.
When I got home later this afternoon, he was gone and came home later tonight. He'd gone out for dinner with a friend. I can only imagine what he told him, and what this good friend now thinks of me. When I spoke to my therapist a few months ago, it became clear that it was fear that was stopping me from asking him to leave. This is what I was afraid of. His anger is so destructive, and I am so unsure how things will go from this point forward, but I do not think it will be good. Funny thing is that even with this fear, I have not had the thought that I should not be doing this (which is what has happened in the past). In fact, his behaviour is simply reinforcing for me that this is absolutely the right thing to do. But I am still afraid.