He also told me that he had sent a blanket email out to all of our friends, simply saying "We are divorcing. Details to follow." I was aghast. My husband likes to be totally in control of every situation - this must be his way of gaining control over this one. He absolutely radiated with anger and what felt for all the world like hatred to me. He was very short with the kids (who have no idea this is all going on), and they found reasons to get out of the house for the day. I felt almost afraid to be in the house alone with him today, his anger was so palpable. I went out for the day, too, making sure the kids were not going to be home before me.
When I got home later this afternoon, he was gone and came home later tonight. He'd gone out for dinner with a friend. I can only imagine what he told him, and what this good friend now thinks of me. When I spoke to my therapist a few months ago, it became clear that it was fear that was stopping me from asking him to leave. This is what I was afraid of. His anger is so destructive, and I am so unsure how things will go from this point forward, but I do not think it will be good. Funny thing is that even with this fear, I have not had the thought that I should not be doing this (which is what has happened in the past). In fact, his behaviour is simply reinforcing for me that this is absolutely the right thing to do. But I am still afraid.